Day late and a dollar short

I had every intention of posting my weekly update on Monday, but I didn't get home until after 10pm, so I put it off until Tuesday. Tuesday night rolled around and same thing- I didn't get home until after 10pm.

Then I just figured I'd post whenever I could. That happens to be right now.

My Monday weight was the same as last week, 197 lbs. Again, I didn't do much to prepare for the week (didn't have fresh fruits and veggies on hand, didn't meal plan).

I did better about taking my pills. I think I took them 3 days out of the 5, so Yeah! My friend texted me a few days and that was just the reminder I needed, so thanks to Connie!

I also got 8+ hours of sleep each night. Sleeping is never a problem for me. Thank God!

Despite my lack of motivation and progress thus far, I am still in it to win it. I'm not mad that I haven't made progress. I can't be mad; I haven't done anything differently to create progress.

I've been very introspective lately. I think a lot about me, which, believe it or not, is unusual.

I'm usually going, going, going...always on the move, always doing something. I tend to not slow down enough to think about much of anything, let alone myself.

For whatever reasons, every since our vacation last month, I've spent a great deal of time thinking about myself. I've made very conscious efforts to slow down. Slowing down has freed up my brain and my thoughts. I actually have time to....think.

For example, a few weeks ago, I forgot my cell phone at home one morning. While driving to my destination, I came to a red light and reached into my purse to grab the phone. I couldn't find the phone and realized I had left it on the kitchen table. OK, no big deal.

At the next stop light, I reached for the phone again. I reached into my purse and spent another 30 seconds trying to find my phone. I then remembered I had left it on the kitchen table. Unbelievable. I had the same conversation with myself two stop lights in a row. It was at that moment that I realized I've been living life on fast forward. In reality, I couldn't even sit at a stop light without unconsciously reaching for my phone to check Facebook or my email.

Fast forward to a few days ago when I was sitting at my desk at work. I clicked on the Quickbooks icon to open the program and while it was opening, I clicked on the internet icon so I could check the newswire to see what was happening in the world. I have two monitors at work, so while the one program opens, I almost always open the internet to check the news.

Seriously? I can't sit for 10 seconds while a program opens without having to entertain myself with something else?

All of this to say that my mind has been working overtime and I believe this is one of the many barriers I face to weight loss. I'd like to think that weight loss is a priority, but my actions tell a different story. Clearly, I haven't taken the time to develop my strategy. I haven't committed to doing anything of significance that would result in weight loss.

I'm hopeful that by slowing down, I'll spend more time on important things, like weight loss and being healthy. Always being on the go is mentally exhausting and its left little room for me to truly focus my time and thoughts on whats really important.

So I'm adding another goal to my daily list: Focus on me. I really need to take the time to do this.

I KNOW this will result in results.

Rut-Ro

Previous weight: 195.5
Goal weight: 193
Current weight: 197

I gained 1.5 lbs.

I was supposed to LOSE 1.5 lbs, NOT GAIN.

Once again, I didn't prepare well so I didn't have a good array of fresh, healthy foods to choose from during the week.

I definitely don't have the motivation I had while on vacation. I go through spurts during the week. One meal I'm motivated, but the next, I'm rushed and I don't even think about what I'm eating. I'm trying to get healthy and I'm not even paying attention to what I'm putting in my mouth.

In trying go slow and steady, am I not focused enough? Am I being too relaxed in my approach?

I sense maybe I've swung too far in the opposite direction. Afraid of failing based on how I've approached weight loss in the past, I've tried not focusing too much on changing everything at once. As a result, I haven't actually changed anything. I'm in the same routines as before, but I'm expecting different results.

You would think that I must not be that interested in losing the weight. You'd think I must be content with how I am. But I'm not.

I'm sick of wearing the same 3 shirts because I don't have any others that fit.

I'm having trouble getting going.

But, that's all about to change.....

In the past, I've enjoyed successful weight loss when I've had an upcoming event planned.

During Mr. O's senior year in college, I attended his final fraternity formal and had dropped about 15lbs prior to the big night. I had also weight trained, so not only was I thinner, but I was more toned that I had been previously. Everyone noticed. People I hadn't seen in almost a year complimented me on "healthy" I looked! It was fantastic. I felt like a million bucks. One of my favorite pictures of Mr. O and I is from that night. My smile was a true reflection of how I felt. Now, its just a reminder of how unhealthy I am.

Prior to our wedding, I lost about 28 lbs. Once again, I was down to a healthy weight and I was so proud of myself. My wedding dress had to be altered THREE times because I kept losing weight. At the final fitting, the seamstress begged me to GAIN about 5 lbs so my top would fit better. She grew tired of rebeading the bust line. Of course I politely refused to gain the weight :) I had worked too hard to get the weight off. I actually preferred having a loose fitting dress rather than putting on the weight.

When I have an event to look forward to, that provides sufficient motivation. I picture myself at the event and how I want to feel.

Well, I have an event coming up in about 5 weeks. Over the weekend, a group of my college sorority sisters began planning a reunion. I haven't seen many of these people in 8 or 9 years (in terms of my weight, that was at least 30 lbs ago). Many are moms who have 2-3 children and they look fantastic! Bitches They haven't gained a damn pound, even after childbirth!

There will be a family picnic and then a girls night out (which I'm SOOOO excited about).

I recognize that losing weight in anticipation of a big event isn't a good long term weight loss strategy. However, I feel this is the push I need to get me started. I clearly haven't been successful these past 2 weeks mustering up the motivation on my own. And, knowing my past successes have come as a result of preparing for a specific event already has me planning my next week in greater detail. Because it's worked before, I'm looking forward to doing it again. It's a proven strategy in my weight loss war chest.

I feel like a broken record. I have the same goals as previously stated:

1. Take my daily vitamins/supplements

• Vitamin D 10,000 IU
• Iodine 12.5mg (down from 50 mg during my initial replenishment)
• Magnesium 250 mg

2. Eight hours of restful sleep

I've been getting 8 hours of sleep, but I haven't take ANY of my pills. WTH?!

I really want to add another goal, but until I can accomplish the two on my list, whats the point? I'll wait until I can handle those before I start adding more.

Hope you didn't come here seeking motivation. Right now I'm still struggling to get my own ass in gear. I promise you, though, that I WILL get things going and then, watch out ;)

This chapter isn't over yet...